terribibble | Ryslig IC Contact

oh no he does. and he'd probably want to go back to it though y'know we've never talked about it really

it's just

the fourth thinks we ought to be together. that has to mean somethin right

I realize he takes a personal interest in us but doesn't that seem a little odd?

That he would be that specific about the two of you?

[Still mistakenly thinks that this is just about them being leadership partners together, not...any other kind of partner.]

He's never said anything about me and Yoshikage needing to be "together", for example, and we joined at near the same time.

oh i don't think it has much to do with timin. marco'd already been livin on the peninsula for months before i showed up, nevermind joined up

[Oh, god. Oh, no. Has being as quiet as he has about this finally bit him in the ass? Is he going to have to explain this to Lucius when he's still working at accepting it himself?]

he gave us matchin rings is the thing. after we destroyed the obelisk. said we were married and everythin though between you and me i don't know if it's exactly legally sound

and it's not like we weren't already

[He starts to type one thing and deletes it a couple of times before ultimately chickening out.]

together

it's just he really obviously thinks we ought to stay that way

You were already

[...Are you kidding him with this?

Why does everyone he befriend here turn out to be--

Alone in his room he groans and presses a hand to his face. Oh, never mind it, now. What's said has been said. He won't rescind his invitation. He'll just have to try and process this later.]

I didn't know. I didn't realize, at all. Did you say something before now and I missed it?

Not to be crass, but what about your wife? I know things between you and her ended in an unfortunate manner but I hadn't imagined it could be that bad.

[Well. That's a better response than he was hoping for. He'll take it.]

you didn't miss anythin. i've been keepin quiet about it. it's not the sorta thing that comes up that often or should anyway. not that i'm ashamed or anythin i just don't feel the need to make a big fuss

and i like girls just fine. it's not

she left me for entirely unrelated reasons. this is somethin a lot more recent, findin out its possible to like both. i definitely still have a healthy attraction to women

[You're just lucky he's been worn down by having this happen to him, like, three times already, Fiddleford. Otherwise that part of the conversation might have been more awkward.]

It's your personal affair of course. I don't blame you for wanting to keep it private regardless the nuance of your reasoning. Where I come from however people never admit to this sort of thing and so to my knowledge I've never before known anyone, personally, who was anything but what was considered the societal version of normal. By which I do mean of course, married to a member of the opposite sex.

Since arriving here however I have made three separate acquaintances of that persuasion. Four now, with you. And I gather for most here it is a matter considered far more casual and not worthy of even a second's thought. It's been something for me to get used to. Some moments are more a struggle than others. Being repeatedly insulted for my confusion and accused of things does not help.

I intend no offense but I must say I really never would have imagined this of you. You don't at all seem the type. You're so outwardly reserved.

things are awful different in the realities most of them are from because where -i'm- from you sure as hell wouldn't tell anyone about somethin like this. honestly it's good to know i'm the only one that finds it difficult to wrap my head around how casual folks are about it.

it'd be easier if i was just plain gay to be frank with you. it should be one or other. both just seems

[Seems what? Greedy? That's a more generous word for it than others he could use but there's no denying that's the truth of his situation.]

well it's not about bein reserved or not i don't think. i'm not goin to go runnin around on him. i'm not that kind of man.

honestly it doesn't feel all that different from the normal way of doin things. that's whats tripped me up the most.

At least you aren't arguing with me or calling me "backward". A person's choices are first and foremost his own but I cannot help how I was raised. There are words I would not repeat applied to men who prefer the company of other men, but I won't deny with my background I never blinked at hearing them said. As previously mentioned I knew none who might find themselves in such a situation, so it was a matter to which of course I never had cause to give any thought.

Since it sounds so confusing to you then hopefully you'll not check me for confessing myself baffled. You were attracted to your wife and have spent your life feeling only a natural interest in women, yet now you're interested in him and that feels...right, to you? The impulse is exactly the same but to a member of the same sex this time? I don't understand how this could be. Surely there must have been something more dramatic involved.

oh no i don't think you're backward. it was downright illegal where i'm from and most folks didn't take to the idea too keen. i was always raised to be kind to people no matter their situation but it was still somethin you figured only went on far away. not in your house. not in your brain

if i had to guess i think it's that i never had a reason to give it more thought. i grew up thinkin i was supposed to like girls and then i fell in love with one so it all seemed very cut n dry. i kept thinkin back to try and see if there were signs i never noticed, somethin that cuouldve told me, but i've never felt about a man this way

[Certainly not Ford, even though this whole problem started at least in part because Marco assumed he and Ford were together. Ford was attractive and Fiddleford did care quite a bit about him, but he doesn't think he ever felt that way about his best friend.]

i've had

a lot of troubles in my life. and i worry an awful lot and it's hard to get my brain to go quiet sometimes. and when im with him i don't worry so much. only my wife's ever done that for me.

my ex-wife.

[Illegal? Ouch. No wonder Fiddleford is about on the same page as he is with all this. In wizarding Britain in general it is, perhaps, not too much of a deal to most - in the upper levels of society he is used to, it's shameful and whispered about, a path to being disowned, but there's still a line between socially taboo and completely outlawed.

He can't pretend he understands. But it takes some of the anxiety off, being able to be candid.]

There is never a question of who or what an individual raised in my world is going to prefer. It isn't even about "preferring", if I'm being truly candid. We are a series of small circles and a dying breed, those of us from the old and traditional families. To keep our fortunes secure, our names alive and pass on our blood we must marry and have children. You know how young I was when I was promised to my wife. I was already fond of her and in a short time I grew to adore her. I would have desired no one else. But even if I hadn't felt that way I would have married her nonetheless. Out of duty. Behavior that is considered away from the normal, the standards we must uphold, is unforgivable.

Attachments outside of a proper marriage are meant to be kept secret. Or ignored entirely, whenever possible. It's what is done.

I do not pretend perhaps that that is perfect. But it simply the way things are.

It still seems very odd to me that you could go your whole life not knowing. Though you've not yet in my experience with you been a liar and thus I see no reason to begin thinking you one now.

One of my other friends who is of similar persuasion, I detest his partner. Companion. Boyfriend. Whatever one would have it. But it's hardly my place to ask that he leave him because I am annoyed. Even if the other is rude and selfish.

I wouldn't ask you to give up on or deny a part of your life that is none of my business simply because it makes me uncomfortable. But I am happy for you that he makes you feel that way. Truly I am. Even if it's still strange and even discomforting for me to wrap my head around as a very concept.

trust me i figured the same thing to start with. that i couldn't be because surely i'd know by now. apparently it's not uncommon to find out this late especially for people who

well people like you and me who come from places where there's a certain expectation of what's normal. we don't go so far as arrangin marriages but there sure is an unspoken understandin that eventually you'll settle down with someone acceptable and have a kid or two. that's just part of bein a normal adult.

[But things are more complicated and diverse than that, and he's always known it logically. The part of him concerned with being normal and the part of him that looks at things as a scientist looks at things have always been a little at odds when the logical scientist knows that 'normal' has a much murkier definition than he'd like it to. Perhaps that's why he's always doubled down so hard on his own convictions. Perhaps that's why having to radically alter them in Ryslig has been such a trial for him, only mitigated by his insistence that his new normal is still serving the end goal of being good.]

i'm glad that it doesn't bother you. or that it doesn't bother you enough to want to stop associatin with me at any rate. you've been a good friend to me and i'd hate to lose that

it isn't as though it's changed me any. lord knows i don't feel different

Perhaps that is the hardest to accept of all. Given the givens, you would think that you should.

[He's just stating what he thinks is obvious to them both, yes? A man liking a man is...different. So it should be different and feel different, logic dictates.

The whole mess makes him fidget internally and honestly he'd rather not talk about or think about it at all. He doesn't, no matter what certain people might say of him, think those who prefer the members of the same sex are beneath him or disgusting. But he is not used to dealing with such people, or having them as his friends. Is it so much to ask that people simply be aware he is not used to it?]

I would not end an association over this. I have never before been friends with a Muggle or an American, either. They're equally as odd to me, to find myself in the company of. The man I was before coming here likely never would have believed it. And yet here we are.

It's an adjustment, interacting with a wildly different sort of person outside that which I have ever known before. On this matter in particular a lack of familiarity leads to confusion and discomfort on my part, simply put. It's nothing willful at all.

[...Obviously the part about not associating with Muggles is certainly very, very willful. But since that's not the subject at hand, why go into it?

He's already convinced himself not to worry about it by reasoning that since McGucket is from another world it's not like he isn't a wizard, really, anyway. He was just born in the wrong, non-magical dimension.]

i didn't get the impression it was. it was the same for me. i think folks are just so used to it they don't understand how someone else couldn't be. there's nothin wrong with askin questions. they ought to remember that. im sure theres things they dont understand

if you have questions i'll do my level best to answer. about this or anythin else honestly. i could probably do a better job of explainin physics or america than what bein a bisexual is

I think that you would propose to attempt to explain all of America to me - as if it could be made sense of so - rather than further elaborate on the subject of this new and particular part of your identity tells me everything I could need to know about how confused and even intimidated by approaching the subject of it you are.

I mean this statement in jest of course, or mostly, and not unkindly. Please do not take it to heart the wrong way.

If nothing else know I find genuine relief in finally speaking to another man who is as flummoxed by everyone else's cavalier attitude on the matter.

oh no, no offense taken. i can admit it's not somethin i'm entirely sure how to properly deal with. it's the blind leadin the blind if i try and explain it to you.

i tried doin math to it and that didn't work and that's about the only way i've got to deal with things i don't already understand. shoulda got my phd in philosophy

Affection nor sentiment nor emotion do not respond to math, and cannot be explained away throughout reason in however many words. The insipid poetry I once attempted to write to my young betrothed, and promptly destroyed without sending, stands in testament to that.

There is and was every practical reason in the world why Narcissa and I were perfect together. We understood each other for our breeding and backgrounds, we were a social match, it pleased our families, it made good financial sense, we could be expected to desire a household together of similar values and want much the same out of life in terms of children and other considerations, and together we were both considered intelligent, cultured and attractive. It all spells out quite well on paper.

Absolutely none of these covers how, after so many years, I feel when we are alone together. Or when I hear the sound of her voice, or see her smile. The things that her mere presence does to me.

That is not the mind. That is the soul. Dangerously powerful and to some extent forever unknowable. But, in its own way, perhaps the only part of us that can ever be considered truly - for lack of any other word - pure.

yknow for a man who says he's no good at poetry that was awful sweet. maybe you're just better suited to

whats it called

free verse.

point is it's not that different really. the circumstances sure but the general feel of it, y'know. the heart of the thing is the same.

I doubt I'll be taking up the quill again to try my hand at the pastime any time soon. Whatever format notwithstanding. But your remarks are kind and I receive them appreciatively for the spirit which they were meant, all the same.

I cannot imagine ever feeling that way about another man, but then, I cannot imagine feeling that way about many people. As I said, it's good for you that you've found this with someone. Again. After what you've already been through.

It's a good feeling, having someone to be with. You should enjoy it. It's no easy trifle.

~~I miss it. These past months have been hard for me without her.~~

[No, no, he can't write that. For all that he's shared with his friend before - and usually has no qualms about dominating a conversation, making it all about him - this is a step too far. He deletes it. And doesn't think to wonder if having the network plugged directly into his mind means Fiddleford can see it anyway.]

[Lucky for Lucius, he cannot. It still doesn't technically exist on the network he can see until Lucius presses 'enter', after all.]

it sure has made a lot of things easier. i think without him i would be in far worse a state.

not that i've forgotten her or anythin. maybe i wound up with a man because it's hard to think of bein with another woman? i don't know. tryin to make too much sense of it hasn't worked before, i probably ought not to try

i kept the ring though and i don't plan on gettin rid of it.

Edited 2017-01-06 03:11 (UTC)

I still wear my ring. But then I shall never replace her. No matter what happens here.

[A better person than he would realize he's implied that Fidds has "replaced" his former wife, and that such a statement might be hurtful, and say something in apology. It completely slips Lucius' notice however.]

Someday we shall be reunited. I can imagine no other future.

[It's not even incorrect to say he's replaced her, at least in some aspects. He can't get too uppity about it.]

i truly do hope you are.

Thank you. I hope that you continue to be happy in your current

relationship, as well.

[Sorry for pause, bro. He's still working on this.]

But if there's nothing else I can do for you at this time, I should perhaps leave you to your rest.

thank you. means a lot that you took the time to check up on me and all.

[He's said that already, he thinks. It bears repeating.]

stay safe.

Of course. Yes. Thank you. And you do the same.

Ryslig IC Contact

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i feel like this is probably done soon-ish

yeah probably. JUST IN TIME FOR DREAMWIVES

im so ready

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