[ Ford is prepared for a variety of eventual responses, but You weren't supposed to is not on the list. He blinks and lapses into a baffled, uncomfortable silence. Fiddleford isn't giving him much to go off of, and Ford isn't great at reading between the emotional lines of a situation even in the best of circumstances. So he founders for a moment, and finally settles on: ]
I'm sorry?
[ Is Fiddleford's birthday suddenly a bad reminder for him or something? But, wait, why would he say he wasn't supposed to remember, then? ]
[That does not explain it any better. And he hates the he feels obligated to explain it, but that's also part of the problem, isn't it? Or a symptom of it.]
You know after we -- after I -- [He trails off. Shakes his head. Too close. Different angle.] I used to leave myself notes, you know. No point in forgettin' somethin' if I was just goin' to make the same mistake twice. I don't know what you did to make me think you didn't care about me but I know I told myself to remember it because it'd keep me safe. I know if I hadn't I'd have been right back in that cabin the next day because you were my best friend and when I say that it means somethin'.
[It feels weird to talk about it so directly. It's been almost a year and they haven't, not really. As far as Fiddleford knows, Ford thinks he destroyed the gun. Was that before he left? It must have been. He's a little too discombobulated to realize he might have just outed himself as definitely not having done that. There is an order of priority here and trying to wrangle his exceptionally bad grasp on the timeline is not near the top.]
At the very least, Ford is already aware that Fiddleford hadn't destroyed the memory gun when he said that he would - and even that Fiddleford had used it on Ford. That's old news to him now, even if it is confirmation of the fact that Fiddleford doesn't remember a great deal the the work involving the portal. That's something he's only really been able to vaguely piece together from talking to Dipper, Mabel, and Fiddleford-as-of-2012. Regardless, it's nothing he's going to bother kicking a fuss up about now.
Especially not when Fiddleford is putting the broken state of their relationship at the time (and, it seems, even right now) directly into words, which is so wildly uncomfortable Ford instinct is to try to bail out of the conversation immediately. He's gotten much better about not doing things like that, however, and so he stays right where he is. ]
I... can't say the warnings were unmerited.
[ Thinking too long about his behavior during... well, basically any point of his life prior to 2012, but particularly during his last year in Gravity Falls before Stan's arrival, brings an overwhelming rush of embarrassment and shame, and he's thoroughly mired in it right now. Maybe it's not correct to say he hadn't cared about Fiddleford at all at the time, but he'd certainly cared about him less than he did his research. That's not really what's bothering him. ]
I hadn't realized I was still giving that impression.
[ He mostly still sounds and looks hedging and awkward, but there's a distinct thread of frustration in there as well. He'd thought he'd been doing pretty well, especially considering that Dipper and Mabel left, in his mind, very recently. ]
No, no. Ever since I showed up here you've done nothin' but try and do right by me no matter how nasty I am to you. It's made it awful hard to keep my distance and remember I'm not supposed to trust you and that's the trouble.
[But he does trust Ford, is the thing. He trusts that Ford will always be Ford, for better or worse. He's obnoxious, short-sighted, stubborn, sure. But he's also earnest, enthusiastic, endlessly curious. Fiddleford doesn't know entirely what happened in the thirty years between them, beyond Ford doing a lot of traveling and self-discovery, but apparently somewhere in there he discovered how to mellow out. Just a little. Just enough that he isn't the Ford that Fiddleford warned himself not to trust, not really, and that's called the whole thing into question.
He lets out a gusty, frustrated sigh.]
I give up. I'm throwin' in the towel. I can't stop bein' your friend no matter how hard I try so I reckon we're just stuck with each other.
Don't ever tell me what you did. I don't want to know. Just don't do it again.
[ It probably says something that Ford genuinely had not realized Fiddleford was intentionally being nasty to him. He'd noticed him being cranky, sure, but Fiddleford is not someone Ford would call slow to anger, or shy about expressing his opinion, or anything that might indicate he's a timid man. Especially not in a place that could be as stressful as Trench. 'Short-sighted' indeed.
He's not entirely sure how he feels about the idea that Fiddleford was actively trying to avoid being his friend, however. It hurts, of course, to realize that he was that close to losing Fiddleford's friendship. It also annoys him, to know that Fiddleford was content to just let things fizzle out, as he seemed to think they would, without even telling Ford first. It also confuses him, because Ford himself has never been someone that has had issues abruptly and violently cutting off people he's decided have wronged him.
But at least when he thinks about it that way it, the fact that Fiddleford didn't just cut him off is such a relief it does a lot to temper his annoyance. Which means that even though Fiddleford's continued desire to not know the details of the accident is baffling, he'll indulge it for now. ]
I can't think of a reason you would need to know right now, so I won't tell you - but I can assure you, that's a mistake I have no intention of repeating.
[On Fiddleford's end he can't imagine why the details would do him any good. He already knows it was bad, and he knows he wanted to forget it once, and he assumes if he finds out what it was he'll just want to erase it again. It would be a waste of time. And the very small selfish part of him that does want his best friend back doesn't want to know in case it destroys this (from his perspective) very tenuous connection they're rebuilding.
A lot of the tension leaves him. Not all of it, because at this point he doesn't think he can fully stop being tense, but it still feels as though a weight's been taken off his shoulders.]
Good. You're all I've got from... before, now. I don't want to lose that.
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no subject
I'm sorry?
[ Is Fiddleford's birthday suddenly a bad reminder for him or something? But, wait, why would he say he wasn't supposed to remember, then? ]
no subject
[Complicated.]
It's a real thoughtful gift. That's the problem.
[That does not explain it any better. And he hates the he feels obligated to explain it, but that's also part of the problem, isn't it? Or a symptom of it.]
You know after we -- after I -- [He trails off. Shakes his head. Too close. Different angle.] I used to leave myself notes, you know. No point in forgettin' somethin' if I was just goin' to make the same mistake twice. I don't know what you did to make me think you didn't care about me but I know I told myself to remember it because it'd keep me safe. I know if I hadn't I'd have been right back in that cabin the next day because you were my best friend and when I say that it means somethin'.
[It feels weird to talk about it so directly. It's been almost a year and they haven't, not really. As far as Fiddleford knows, Ford thinks he destroyed the gun. Was that before he left? It must have been. He's a little too discombobulated to realize he might have just outed himself as definitely not having done that. There is an order of priority here and trying to wrangle his exceptionally bad grasp on the timeline is not near the top.]
no subject
At the very least, Ford is already aware that Fiddleford hadn't destroyed the memory gun when he said that he would - and even that Fiddleford had used it on Ford. That's old news to him now, even if it is confirmation of the fact that Fiddleford doesn't remember a great deal the the work involving the portal. That's something he's only really been able to vaguely piece together from talking to Dipper, Mabel, and Fiddleford-as-of-2012. Regardless, it's nothing he's going to bother kicking a fuss up about now.
Especially not when Fiddleford is putting the broken state of their relationship at the time (and, it seems, even right now) directly into words, which is so wildly uncomfortable Ford instinct is to try to bail out of the conversation immediately. He's gotten much better about not doing things like that, however, and so he stays right where he is. ]
I... can't say the warnings were unmerited.
[ Thinking too long about his behavior during... well, basically any point of his life prior to 2012, but particularly during his last year in Gravity Falls before Stan's arrival, brings an overwhelming rush of embarrassment and shame, and he's thoroughly mired in it right now. Maybe it's not correct to say he hadn't cared about Fiddleford at all at the time, but he'd certainly cared about him less than he did his research. That's not really what's bothering him. ]
I hadn't realized I was still giving that impression.
[ He mostly still sounds and looks hedging and awkward, but there's a distinct thread of frustration in there as well. He'd thought he'd been doing pretty well, especially considering that Dipper and Mabel left, in his mind, very recently. ]
no subject
No, no. Ever since I showed up here you've done nothin' but try and do right by me no matter how nasty I am to you. It's made it awful hard to keep my distance and remember I'm not supposed to trust you and that's the trouble.
[But he does trust Ford, is the thing. He trusts that Ford will always be Ford, for better or worse. He's obnoxious, short-sighted, stubborn, sure. But he's also earnest, enthusiastic, endlessly curious. Fiddleford doesn't know entirely what happened in the thirty years between them, beyond Ford doing a lot of traveling and self-discovery, but apparently somewhere in there he discovered how to mellow out. Just a little. Just enough that he isn't the Ford that Fiddleford warned himself not to trust, not really, and that's called the whole thing into question.
He lets out a gusty, frustrated sigh.]
I give up. I'm throwin' in the towel. I can't stop bein' your friend no matter how hard I try so I reckon we're just stuck with each other.
Don't ever tell me what you did. I don't want to know. Just don't do it again.
no subject
He's not entirely sure how he feels about the idea that Fiddleford was actively trying to avoid being his friend, however. It hurts, of course, to realize that he was that close to losing Fiddleford's friendship. It also annoys him, to know that Fiddleford was content to just let things fizzle out, as he seemed to think they would, without even telling Ford first. It also confuses him, because Ford himself has never been someone that has had issues abruptly and violently cutting off people he's decided have wronged him.
But at least when he thinks about it that way it, the fact that Fiddleford didn't just cut him off is such a relief it does a lot to temper his annoyance. Which means that even though Fiddleford's continued desire to not know the details of the accident is baffling, he'll indulge it for now. ]
I can't think of a reason you would need to know right now, so I won't tell you - but I can assure you, that's a mistake I have no intention of repeating.
no subject
A lot of the tension leaves him. Not all of it, because at this point he doesn't think he can fully stop being tense, but it still feels as though a weight's been taken off his shoulders.]
Good. You're all I've got from... before, now. I don't want to lose that.