[Despite everything, he appreciates Fiddleford's touch. It's calming, grounding. It doesn't improve his mood, exactly, but it makes it easier to bear. Maybe that's the best he can hope for right now.]

Right-- Don't... Don't get me wrong. I've never seriously considered it either. Not seriously. It's just...

[It's the fact that he barely feels like working some days, it's those times when he just wants to retreat into his room and not even sleep but just sit there and listen and take it, it's the overwhelming nature of it all. It's not "just."]

... The water's relaxing. It... It's soothing. But it's also her. I mean-- I mean, it's her doing. It's my grave. It's a grave.